Taking Risks and Expecting Rewards... mostly...

After my first post an old friend from high school who I spent way too many hours of my life doing laps in the pool with told me I wasn't actually escaping, I was "taking risks and expecting rewards."  While its possible he's still suffering from the same extreme supplementation of oxygen for chlorine from so long ago, I think in a way he is right.  I am embarking on a new journey in life to again test the limits and find out what I can see, what I can't do, and never too far away what I can't.    After seeing so many other places not too long ago and feeling like a nomad in my own head for so long, the call to drive, explore, and be free is immeasurable.   While I'll be giving up many creature comforts I find so well... comforting, I can only hope that all the loving family and friends who I'm leaving behind will still be there when I return.  After all, it's only for a couple of months, but what a wild couple of months I think they'll be.

While I mostly agree with my old friend Pat, part of this trip is without a doubt about escaping and as of now I can list three things I'll be escaping from.  The first is probably the most undeniable (and so it seems often the case with many world travelers): a failed marriage.  While the failure can't be tied to any one mistake, or any one of us, the failure itself is something I'll always be troubled with.  We had so many hopes and dreams, now we just need to remember that those hopes and dreams still exist, just a little more differently for both.  When these things happens a period of morning is unquestionably necessary, but many people morn in their own private ways. 

The second thing I'm escaping is the deafening silence of my current town.  Alfred is a small college town hosting two almost comically separate colleges, but when schools out so is everybody else.  I can't count the number of late nights, possibly after partying a little to hard, that I went out in search of food while the students were on vacation only to find lights out, signs put away, and grills far too cold for cooking.  Even the bars close early now, and this isn't even to mention all my co-workers and friends who have moved on to something more exciting for the summer.

Finally the last is somewhat tied to the second.  Due to my position at Alfred State, its impossible not to feel like I live in fish bowl!  Around every turn, doorway, night out, and quiet walk I seem to always run into residents.  While at first this seemed endearing, for once I'd love to stroll around in my pajamas, ill fitting clothes, or dirty jeans and not feel like I'm being watched or judged professionally.  I'm sure a lot of this is in my head, but I wouldn't put money on it.

These are my reasons for going, and while they might not all be honorable or as water tight as they feel, the compulsion to ride off into Alfred's setting sun is undeniable.  I can't wait to see my brother in Texas, I can't wait to meet new adventurous people, and most of all I can't wait to hit the road.  While I'm certainly getting close, and without a doubt these next few days will be both filled with a lot of research and last minute jobs, it will also be a bitter sweet escape.  My wonderful Aunt today told me: "Home is where the heart is" with a little witty grin on her face, and after traveling so far so many different times I couldn't agree with her more.   On the other hand I did just read a passage from another cyclists escape into the unknown in which he says "home is where your front tires are pointed" so I guess for the next two months, that one will have to prevail.  I don't believe that home is any specific place, area or zip code although I've always preferred that zip code to be as close to my family as possible.  I do however believe that home is partly measured by how comfortable you are with what your doing, where you are in life, and with the personal thoughts inside your own head and until August 1st that's what I'll be looking for.